Being an Autism Parent at a Faculty Meeting

Every first Monday of the month we have our school faculty meeting.

I go and I listen as a staff member, but always find myself really following along as a parent. Today we talked about the school year coming to a close.

I couldn’t help but think about Hudson as each topic was brought up.

Summer school. I’m not thrilled about the idea of sending him, but I know he needs the consistency. He’ll probably resent me the entire summer for it.

Track and field day. I should’ve felt joy when this was mentioned; we haven’t had it in two years due to Covid. It’s a fun day for all and the parents love coming to watch their children compete. All I could think about was how hard it’ll be for Hudson. Competition is a massive trigger for him. He collapses on the ground every time he doesn’t score a goal or isn’t the fastest or best athlete at soccer practice. Track and field day is going to be full of triggers for him.

Fire drills. We haven’t had these in our district since the pandemic. Talks of fire are also triggers for Hudson. Even the mention of the word sends him spiraling. I immediately asked our principal if the teachers could be forewarned before the drill; surely Hudson’s teacher would need time to prepare him beforehand.

I came home from my meeting feeling exhausted after a long day. My husband warned me that Hudson was “in a mood” and triggered by every little thing around him. And boy was he.

After dinner, Hudson fought me on his homework before spending the next 45 minutes crying because we lost a very small toy that was part of a collection. We turned the house upside looking for it hoping it would help ease his anxiety and sadness, but we struck out.

As he eventually calmed and played monster trucks in his room before bed, I sat in his room and cried. The heaviness of the day… of autism… had worn me down.

As I sat and cried I thought of a coworker’s words. After the meeting today, she approached me about the fire safety issues with Hudson and how a local volunteer firefighter had mentioned how happy it made her heart to help him through his fears. There was a “Learn Not to Burn” event at the school last week that Hudson’s class had participated in (it’s a story for another post). My coworker reminded me that although things are hard, he has made me a strong person and a great advocate.

There are many days where I honestly do not like autism. Today was one of them. But there is no doubt that - through all the hard stuff - it is teaching me to be so much more for my son and to fight for his needs.

Also please don’t ever doubt the power of positive words. Today was a hard day but hearing those kind words from my coworker made a huge difference.