Finding Solidarity Through Social Media

Before Hudson was diagnosed I knew very little of autism. It’s embarrassing to admit (considering I work in education) but it never directly impacted me much and I never gave it a lot of thought.

When he was diagnosed I was lost, sad, and confused.

It felt like something you see happen to other people... but now it had become our reality.

I so badly wanted someone to take my hand and tell me “I’ve been through this. It’s going to be ok”. But no one I was close with - or really even knew - had a child with autism.

We were received with love from many people who would try and comfort us. But it was hard hearing their words when they didn’t really understand. Their children were perfect and there was no way they could understand this feeling.

Some people said some horrible things; tried to tell me he was fine, or that autism wasn’t a real thing. Some people didn’t know what to say so they just didn’t say anything, which honestly was just as hurtful.

I don’t exactly remember how I came about this, maybe I was having a rough day or maybe someone had told me to look at some blogs but one day I decided to Google "autism blog." I found one almost right away called Finding Cooper’s Voice. I’m not sure if it was Kate’s beautiful words or her blonde-haired boy (which reminded me so much of Hudson) that drew me in, but I sat and read post after post.

Kate’s son Cooper is very different than Hudson. He is nonverbal and has been diagnosed with severe autism, but she said so many things that I could still relate to. She mentioned the sting of seeing kids who are typical versus her own children, and the black hole of depression she would sometimes fall into. I finally felt as if I found someone who got it.

We even were pregnant at the same time; she was pregnant with her third and I was pregnant with Finn. She had her son a month earlier than I had Finn and I remember being glued to her feed because I was curious how Cooper would receive a new baby, a fear I had for Hudson when Finn arrived.

I’ve looked at Kate as a role model and someone who helped me accept the diagnosis and see that there is hope. She helped me to see I wasn’t alone and it was ok to feel things about Hudson’s diagnosis. She’s inspired me to want to do that for others because I know how lonely it is.

She recently wrote a book, "Forever Boy: A Mother's Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy". I rushed out to buy out it as soon as it came out (even though Matt had preordered it as a gift for me). I devoured it in days. I laughed and cried. I learned a lot of things I didn’t know. As I read her story I felt seen and validated in so many of my feelings. Even if you don’t have an autistic child I highly recommend this book. Not only is this a beautiful story but Kate is a fantastic writer. Read it, then share it with someone.

This past week I received a signed copy of her book. Inside she write me a beautiful message that made me cry like a baby:

“Hi Kayla thanks for being such a loyal follower and advocate and most importantly a mama! Always remember you are more. Keep sharing, educating and protecting Hudson.”