"I Don't Like You, Dad..."

Hudson said these words to me for the first time this week. "I don't like you, Dad..."

He repeated this several times while choking back tears. His tears were in anger and frustration from not getting his way. We have tried to not always cave in to his requests, hoping that it would teach him that he will not always get his way in life. In this instance, his meltdown came during lunch. We were watching a show on dolphins, and he wanted to watch a completely different show on whales (although this show DID have whales in it). When I told him "no, buddy; we're watching this right now", HE LOST IT.

I spent the next several minutes speaking to him calmly, trying to calm him down. His screams got louder, and the tears got bigger. I tried my best to not escalate but I could feel my own frustration mounting. As a last resort, I turned off the TV and sternly told Hudson to go to "Time Out" and cool down.

"Time Out" is at the foot our our stairs, in the back corner of the living room. He can still see the TV from there (which is why we typically turn it off during Time Out) and can hear everything that we are doing. It is rare for Hudson to be sent to Time Out where he doesn't scream incessantly. This time was no different.

Being Autistic has given Hudson so many amazing talents. But one of his challenges is how he processes his anger. He doesn't know how to handle what he is feeling, and we can tell that it only frustrates him more. He will repeatedly say things like "I DON'T LIKE WHEN YOU DON'T USE YOUR WORDS" OR "I DON'T LIKE THE BLACK. IT'S NOT MY FAVORITE COLOR!!" (the "black" is the color of the TV screen when it is off). He screams uncontrollably, and starts coughing and hyperventilating. Finnley sometimes wanders over to the Time Out corner when Hudson screams, curious about what is happening. This infuriates Hudson even more.

Kayla and I try to give Hudson a minute or two to calm down in Time Out before we go to talk to him. These meltdowns happen in public, too, and there is a future post coming about a dreadful vacation to Myrtle Beach. Kayla held him this time, speaking to him softly while applying some deep pressure (thank you for this, Krista; it's a lifesaver!). This was a particularly bad meltdown, that took several minutes to recover from.

I know that he didn't mean this when he said it - he couldn't possibly mean it - but I couldn't help but be stunned with sadness when I heard him say "I don't like you, Dad." It is often difficult to not take things like this personally, even when we know that it comes from a place that Hudson doesn't yet understand.