Taking the "Stares" (from Kayla)

If I could teach one thing about Autism, it’s that everyone is different. People should also know that just because someone looks like a “typical child” it doesn’t necessarily mean they are.

One of the hardest things for my husband and I is the staring. When Hudson is in full meltdown mode the staring from others is sometimes harder than the actual meltdown. I imagine all the people with their eyes glued to us are thinking, “I would whoop my kid’s butt if they acted like that” or “Why don’t they leave? They’re not teaching him anything.” They don’t have to say anything I can already tell they are judging my parenting. Sometimes I’ll get a pity smile, and honestly those can be just as hurtful, too.

The thing is my child is a beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed boy. He’s got a 100-watt smile. You’d never know he is Autistic by looking at him, and that’s the thing. People see him melting down and think that he’s a spoiled brat. They don’t see him for who he is and understand that he is struggling internally and literally cannot help himself.

This past weekend is a perfect example; we were all experiencing cabin fever and needed to get out of the house and do something fun. After a lot of debating my husband and I decided to take our boys to a large children’s museum. We knew it might be a struggle for Hudson, but we also knew he might have a great time. We prepared ourselves and set out for the day. It started out fantastically, even at the busy restaurant where we stopped for lunch. I thought for sure he’d meltdown when we saw the long line, but we were able to get in and out without a fight.

Once we were at the museum everything continued to go well, but then we saw a train ride. It had a somewhat long line and my anxiety immediately crept up. He had already noticed the train, so we knew there was no skipping it. Fortunately, it had a play train nearby, so I told my husband I’d take the baby and save a spot in line for Hudson while they played with the train. I thought it was a no-brainer, but I was wrong. Hudson noticed me waiting in line and immediately broke down. There were some toys in line to play with, so I handed the baby over to my husband and let Hudson stand next to me and play with them. Wrong again. He continued to lose it. I did everything in my power to calm him down; I did breathing exercises, did deep pressure points, I hugged him tight, and just spoke calmly as possible to him.

Everyone stared at us. I so badly wanted to apologize to the families next to us, but I knew if I opened my mouth to speak to them, I would lose it. We eventually made the ride with nothing hurt but our pride. While I was glad that I was able to stay calm during the wait I was mad at myself for not having the courage to speak up for my son.

And yes, I could’ve taken him away from the train and moved on, but I know that would not have solved anything. Not only that, it would’ve been unfair to Hudson. He deserves to ride that train just as much as any other child in that line. I also firmly believe that the more we continue to expose him things that are difficult for him; such as lines, that he will eventually learn and conquer the waiting. Just like anything else in life it all takes practice and if we were to avoid lines every single time, I think we would be failing Hudson.

So, next time you see someone struggling with a child who is having a meltdown I encourage you to not judge, not stare. You have no idea what the struggle may be or what they are trying to overcome. Instead, offer a sincere smile and maybe a high five. It could make all the difference.